Your Love

Yeah sometimes it’s hard

when keeping my eyes on you

becomes a clouded and hazy mirror

and I lose sight of you

as I let the demands of my day

pile up so high I cannot see you

 

I find myself feeling overwhelmed

and just as I am about to crash

 

Your hands pull me back up

You gave me your love

You gave me your life

that day on the cross

You have not for a moment

forsaken a wayward sinner like me

__________________

 

I trust you Jesus to lift me up

not for a moment have you forgotten me

You know me better than I know myself

Jesus, I love you

 

Happy 15th Birthday Son!

14 years and 5 months ago, my husband and I received the most precious gift from God – a bundle of joy from South Korea.

At 42, I a was a mom! Those tumultuous and self centered years of meandering through life, faded into the background as I held him in my arms.

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We had prepared ourselves with many self help books for newbie parents. Resourceful guides to help us through the first 24 months of our son’s developmental progress. Nothing prepared me for the act of selflessness that comes with caring for an infant(s) – and although I thought I was prepared to be a new mom – I wasn’t.  It was humbling.

We had given up hope of having children – it was just going to be the two of us, until that summer when my sister and her husband entrusted Dan and I with the care of their two young children while they went on vacation. It was a life changing experience.  We discovered the joy of children, and imagined being parents.   We wanted a family – and my biological clock was ticking.  Adoption was the only option for us!

We placed all our hopes in God to fill the hole in our lives. How I must have whined daily and I’m sure I was a pain in the neck as I scribbled away in my prayer journal.

With every stroke of the pen, with every prayer I asked God for a child.    My daily prayers were simple and full of hope.   I even gave God a list of what I wanted in our child.  Oh I can imagine God’s lift eyebrows as I look back on those prayers.

God you are all forgiving, all merciful, and all glorious!!  You have done great thing in my life!
All my hope is in you!

We went through the adoption process in December 2011, and had our application in by March, and our bundle of joy arrived in July 2012.  God’s hand was present throughout the process, and when he arrived at the airport, he was 4 months old.  Surround by family and friends, we welcomed him into our lives.  Our promise to God – to bring him up within His embrace.

Oh there were many challenges of taking care of an infant.   After 21 years together, we went through a period of adjustment.   Each day saw our love grow deeper as we fell in love with our son.  Living in the moment, we savored and appreciated the new challenges in our lives.   Each day was a learning experience, from being panicky and nervous parents, to watching him pull his first temper tantrum at 24 months, to the tenderness and love as we embraced being parents under God’s hands is precious.

Dear God,

You gave Dan and I what we could handle – both spiritually, and in our lives.  You have taught me many life lessons about being a believer, a mom, a wife, and a teacher.

The joy of being a mom, is also a life long process where each thought, idea, inspiration, goal, ability is examined and made new. Along with trials to my patience, attitude, prejudices, bias, and character flaw mirrored and revealed – You Dear Jesus, guide me towards change.

“Down on my knees again surrendering all…I’m desperate for you…. drench my soul, I hunger for you….”. I Surrender- Hillsong Live Cornerstone

Thank you God for the gift of answered prayer!
Thank you Jesus for guiding me to be the best mom I can be. For showing me daily my flaws and short coming as I interact with my son – with my children.  Thank you for your grace, that with You in me, I can make the effective changes to be an awesome mom. Thank you for always being there to get me back on track when I make a wrong turn ❤