Recovery

 

My life follows a path I often cannot comprehend.

Sometimes I’m full of questions, at other times I just flow with the current

Shaking my head and asking,

“Smooth sailing, they say?”   “No, not at all!”

  My life is always full of surprises  

And filled with many twist and turns.

With each sigh, tear, heartache, there is also laughter and abundant joy.

I follow this course deftly walking, running, stumbling, or cruising along

Breathlessly at times, but always trusting

I can pick myself up and keep on going.

“Be strong they tell me”, as I stop myself from letting the feelings of uncertainty

Fill my mind with fear when the road seems rocky.  

I reach within for inner

strength, to help me through when the path seems rough, knowing I have the support of

many whose paths have crossed with mine as I sit, chat and talk about this and that.

Each person, each experience, each serendipitous moment is precious,

The glow of my life made beautiful

As I am cocooned by their hope, love and faith.

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Your endless love

Your endless love pouring down on us

Affords us 

    the freedom to praise you anew 

Even when 

     we are overwhelmed by the bustling 

of our busy day,

     with You as our starting point, 

     each day, 

     each step 

is made is all the more 

     precious 

Thank you Jesus ❤️

Travelling over  10 hours on the train from point A to B, has afforded me the time to worship – as well as spend time with each of my children and they with each other:)


***​​God never ceases to amaze me with His hand in our lives – sometimes He is subtle, sometimes it’s a whack over our head:)  

😊

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I lift my eyes 

heaven bound 

My stomach in knots 

Silently calling upon my Lord

Million and zillions of voices a heavenly din
Redeemed and set free of our sins

Me

Our journey is immensely personal, and our relationship with God even more so

You

I can only watch, and support your journey in prayer – myself walking closely with Christ with the guidance of the Holy Spirit 

My journey in the Glow of the Holy Spirit is a personal one

Whether it be when I  first accepted Christ as a child with wide eyed trust

Or as a youth

Or as an adult when we’ve been broken in our life’s journey

Or it can be throughout our lives as live events draws us closer to God with each rift in our lives 

It is immensely unique and different for each of us

Just as we experience our relationships, lived experience and understanding differently from one another

There may be parallels or similarities and they can offer us a map of understanding our journey but in end each of us have a unique and personal experience with God 

I wait upon the Jesus

To guard my heart and soul from repeating the mistakes of old

Where walking on my own has lead to a replay in technicolor 

Despair and overwhelmed 

Only when your descent upon me and guard me against acting out rashly can I stand strong

Grounded in the Spirit 

Patience and maturity to make the right decision
You’ve walked a long and winding journey with me

Always faithful 

Never abandoning a sinner like me

Your anchor always helping me weather the storm 
 

Follow Me

There was a time when I thought myself unworthy 

as my soul moaned my lost of innocence 

my journey into the fringe drew me deeper into a dark journey

How can I explain to you that despite the shadows of death – there is hope
That with just a glimmer of faith

Jesus was right there with guiding me out of my misery

Like a tapestry with interweaving thread, a medley of people and circumstances intertwine and weaved their way into my life and guided me out of my self destructive path.

In hindsight, Jesus never forsaked me, and He watched over me and walked with me until my eyes could see him.

He is patient 

He is Grace

He loves me 

How can I explain that once I cried out to Him to be my Saviour – That all the bad decisions I’ve made in the past stays in the past – my life took a 180 turn away from my old life.

“Follow Me”, is all He asks of me.

Thank you Jesus for reminding me this past Easter weekend of your sacrifice for me❤️


Notes:

30 When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. 31 Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. 32 They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?”

Luke 24:30-32 | NIV
23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. 

Luke 9:23 | NIV

Your Love

Yeah sometimes it’s hard

when keeping my eyes on you

becomes a clouded and hazy mirror

and I lose sight of you

as I let the demands of my day

pile up so high I cannot see you

 

I find myself feeling overwhelmed

and just as I am about to crash

 

Your hands pull me back up

You gave me your love

You gave me your life

that day on the cross

You have not for a moment

forsaken a wayward sinner like me

__________________

 

I trust you Jesus to lift me up

not for a moment have you forgotten me

You know me better than I know myself

Jesus, I love you

 

Make Me Whole

My soul is broken in a world 

that cannot find peace

I can only grab onto you

turn my eyes to see your face 

I seek the light of your name     Jesus

I surrender myself to your grace

grabbing onto you      

 

In you     Jesus    I find my center

You embrace my sorrow

and comfort me in your love   

and make me whole

 

Winter’s blanket white and cold

the reflection of the sun bounces off it on a sunny day

warms my face and heart

but on a cloudy day, it just magnifies the blue I feel within

and I wait for a new season

as winter breaks into spring

I long for a new day filled with color

but as I wait within a world gone mad

reinforced by compounding echos of the ravaging turmoil

my soul is full of sorrow

the center gone

I tune out the noise

and grasp for meaning in a world full of discord

 

my soul is broken in a world

that cannot find peace

I seek the light of your name     Jesus

I surrender myself to your grace

grabbing onto you      Jesus

 

In you      Jesus      I find my center

You embrace my sorrow

and comfort me in your love   

and make me whole

 

 

 

 

Happy 15th Birthday Son!

14 years and 5 months ago, my husband and I received the most precious gift from God – a bundle of joy from South Korea.

At 42, I a was a mom! Those tumultuous and self centered years of meandering through life, faded into the background as I held him in my arms.

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We had prepared ourselves with many self help books for newbie parents. Resourceful guides to help us through the first 24 months of our son’s developmental progress. Nothing prepared me for the act of selflessness that comes with caring for an infant(s) – and although I thought I was prepared to be a new mom – I wasn’t.  It was humbling.

We had given up hope of having children – it was just going to be the two of us, until that summer when my sister and her husband entrusted Dan and I with the care of their two young children while they went on vacation. It was a life changing experience.  We discovered the joy of children, and imagined being parents.   We wanted a family – and my biological clock was ticking.  Adoption was the only option for us!

We placed all our hopes in God to fill the hole in our lives. How I must have whined daily and I’m sure I was a pain in the neck as I scribbled away in my prayer journal.

With every stroke of the pen, with every prayer I asked God for a child.    My daily prayers were simple and full of hope.   I even gave God a list of what I wanted in our child.  Oh I can imagine God’s lift eyebrows as I look back on those prayers.

God you are all forgiving, all merciful, and all glorious!!  You have done great thing in my life!
All my hope is in you!

We went through the adoption process in December 2011, and had our application in by March, and our bundle of joy arrived in July 2012.  God’s hand was present throughout the process, and when he arrived at the airport, he was 4 months old.  Surround by family and friends, we welcomed him into our lives.  Our promise to God – to bring him up within His embrace.

Oh there were many challenges of taking care of an infant.   After 21 years together, we went through a period of adjustment.   Each day saw our love grow deeper as we fell in love with our son.  Living in the moment, we savored and appreciated the new challenges in our lives.   Each day was a learning experience, from being panicky and nervous parents, to watching him pull his first temper tantrum at 24 months, to the tenderness and love as we embraced being parents under God’s hands is precious.

Dear God,

You gave Dan and I what we could handle – both spiritually, and in our lives.  You have taught me many life lessons about being a believer, a mom, a wife, and a teacher.

The joy of being a mom, is also a life long process where each thought, idea, inspiration, goal, ability is examined and made new. Along with trials to my patience, attitude, prejudices, bias, and character flaw mirrored and revealed – You Dear Jesus, guide me towards change.

“Down on my knees again surrendering all…I’m desperate for you…. drench my soul, I hunger for you….”. I Surrender- Hillsong Live Cornerstone

Thank you God for the gift of answered prayer!
Thank you Jesus for guiding me to be the best mom I can be. For showing me daily my flaws and short coming as I interact with my son – with my children.  Thank you for your grace, that with You in me, I can make the effective changes to be an awesome mom. Thank you for always being there to get me back on track when I make a wrong turn ❤